8 Satirical Steps to Fertilizing a Hayfield: How Not to Do It!

As homesteaders, we are always looking for ways to improve our land and increase the yield of our crops. One of the most important factors in achieving this goal is proper fertilization. In this article, we’ll take a satirical look at how to fertilize a hayfield properly.

Step 1: Ignore Soil Testing

First things first, let’s ignore soil testing! Who needs science when you have intuition? Just eyeball your hayfield and guess what it needs. It worked for your grandpa, so it should work for you too!

Step 2: Use More Fertilizer Than Necessary

Now that we’ve skipped soil testing let’s just go ahead and use more fertilizer than necessary. After all, if a little is good then a lot must be better right? Plus, think of all the money you’ll save by not having to buy fertilizer every year.

Step 3: Only Use One Type Of Fertilizer

Variety is overrated! Don’t bother with using different types of fertilizers with varying nutrient contents. Instead, stick to one type of fertilizer regardless of its nutrient content or suitability for your specific soil type.

Step 4: Apply Fertilizer At The Wrong Time

Who has time to keep track of when they should apply fertilizer? Just spread it whenever you get around to it. Whether it’s too early or late in the season doesn’t matter as long as something hits the ground!

Step 5: Spread Fertilizer By Hand Or Using A Subpar Spreader

Don’t waste your time investing in proper equipment! Just throw some fertilizer by hand or use an old rusty spreader that hasn’t been used since before you were born.

Step 6: Ignore Environmental Concerns

Environmental concerns are just another conspiracy theory from those city-folk trying to control us country folk. So what if some excess nutrients run off into local water sources? Fish can handle a little extra nitrogen, right?

Step 7: Don’t Bother With Protective Gear

Protective gear is for sissies! Who needs gloves and goggles when you’ve got grit? Just dive in headfirst and start spreading that fertilizer. The smell will clear your sinuses!

Step 8: Sit Back And Enjoy The Results

Now that you’ve followed these simple steps it’s time to sit back and enjoy the results. Sure, your hay might not be as nutritious or healthy as it could be but at least you saved a few bucks and didn’t have to bother with all that science-y stuff.

In conclusion, if you want to fertilize your hayfield properly then ignore science, use more fertilizer than necessary, only use one type of fertilizer regardless of its nutrient content or suitability for your specific soil type, apply it at the wrong time using subpar equipment without protective gear- voila! You’ll see results in no time (just don’t expect them to last).